Putting a Baby Up for Adoption: How Does It Feel?

Putting a baby up for adoption is a brave and loving choice. There are so many families waiting for your child, and you have the chance to make their dreams come true. If you’re not ready to parent at this point in your life, a stable and loving home is an amazing gift you can give to your baby.

That doesn’t mean that it’s an easy choice. If you’re expecting and considering adoption, you may be wondering how you’ll feel about this decision in the future. Daniel Gilbert, the author of Stumbling on Happiness, has spent a lot of time researching decision making. He says that the best way to predict how we’ll feel about a decision is to look at how other people who made that decision felt.

We’re bad at predicting how we’re going to feel, Gilbert says. In his research, he discovered that most people make decisions based on how they think they’ll feel, and they’re very often wrong.  Looking at other people who have made the same decision gives us better information.

So how do birth parents feel about putting up their babies for adoption?

Studies of birth moms who put their babies up for adoption show that they are more likely to finish school, to be employed, and to marry. They’re less likely to divorce. They are not more likely to experience depression. In other words, the decision generally works out well for moms.

Still, research in medical journals suggests that birth parents are likely to experience some sense of grief or loss. These feelings can come up even though the birth mom knows that she is making the best choice for herself and her child. You should be prepared for the possibility of sad or angry feelings if you’re considering putting your baby up for adoption, because it’s normal to have some sense of loss. That doesn’t mean that your decision to put your baby up for adoption is the wrong decision. It just means you’re human.

Happy birth moms

Birth moms generally resolve negative feelings and feel positive about their decision. Here are some things that make a difference in how people putting up a baby for adoption feel over the long run:

  • Having a chance to talk about your feelings and your experience is very important. Especially in cases where the pregnancy and adoption may be secret, birth parents find that talking and planning with others is important to their happiness. At Adoption Arkansas, we provide support for birth parents throughout the adoption process.
  • Most birth parents reported that they continue to think about their baby; some wanted to keep the possibility of contact with their child open. Birth parents felt happy with both open and closed adoptions, according to the research. Making the right decision for you and your child is key. At Adoption Arkansas, we can help you make the best decisions for yourself and your child.
  • Rituals are important to some birth moms. Many happy birth moms develop a tradition that celebrates the child and the adoption decision. For example, some birth parents appreciate getting an update about their child from the adoptive family on their child’s birthday each year, or writing a letter to the child — which they may not send.

What about you?

Knowing that birth parents who make the choice for adoption feel good about their decision should give you confidence about your decision. Knowing that Adoption Arkansas is prepared to support you emotionally and to provide the practical support you need should give you confidence about working with Adoption Arkansas.

You may still have lots of questions. We’re happy to answer those questions. Call us any time at 479.599.8677 — we answer 24/7.